Let’s talk about first impressions.
We are judged by our grooming and manners, but we are also judged by our speech and the work we do, so let us be careful to always put our best foot forward and use first impressions for our benefit.
“The world is so empty if one thinks only of mountains, rivers, and but to know someone here and there who thinks and feels with us, who, though distant, is close to us in spirit, this makes the earth for us an inhabited garden.”
-Goethe
Every step of beauty and charm is to be able to feel comfortable and confident enough with yourself that you are able to turn away from yourself and enjoy, uplift, and inspire others to be socially beautiful and charming. Thus, they are secure and feel that you are socially beautiful and charming. So let’s go about feeling comfortable and confident about ourselves.
WHAT YOU THINK INSIDE IS WHAT PEOPLE PERCEIVE ON THE OUTSIDE
OR INNER VIBES CONTROL OUTER ILLUSIONS
A story is told of the famous coach of Pavlowa. Madame Hatlenek, who had at one time been a great dancer in Russia, grew to be enormously plump in middle life. Seated in a chair, she would yell praise or insults at the dancers she coached. One time in Chicago, she was coaching Pavlowa, but the great dancer was unable to please her. No one but a great star would have taken the disgusting comments she was getting. Finally she threw her hands up in frustration and cried, “But, Madame, I am doing my best! What is the matter?” Hatlanek yelled back at her. “You are lying! You do not do your best. You have been reading the newspapers about the great Pavlowa and you have gotten yourself separated from the spirit of the dance. You are thinking only of the great Pavlowa. Now get out there and think only of the spirit of motion and beauty and meaning. Let it pour through you until every part of you flows into the other part. It is only the spirit of beauty flowing through the earth and you as a tiny part of it that is great! Take fire with the expressiveness that burns away yourself. Now dance!”
Pavlowa hesitated but took her words to heart. She began to feel the music inside of her. No longer was she just thinking about herself, but the spirit of dance. It brought her gruff old coach to tears.
“To lose yourself in what you do!” One need not be a physically beautiful woman, but one can create beauty by their liquid grace in their own individual talent.
Your vibes should neither accuse or criticize yourself or make you seem overly impressed with yourself. If your inner feelings are beautiful, your total being is set on becoming the best you can be, then soon intrigue and enchantment will be added to your physical presence.
The old saying goes “beauty is as beauty does.” A girl I attended college with was not what you would call a raving beauty. However, her flowing grace, charm, and self-confidence shone forth to magnify her true character until it glamorized her appearance. She never lacked for attention or for dates.
Psychology has always been an interest of mine. I have done a few experiments to discover why and how people react as they do. One such experiment was for the sole purpose of seeing if a person reacts more to the inner or outer self.
I staged my house as an entire disaster, (although now with children I don’t have to work at making it look that way). I put on a green cosmetic facial mask, had curlers in my hair and wore the ugliest bathrobe I could find. This day I was expecting a delivery.
I turned my vibes into myself and the house, head bent very self consciously and afraid of judgement. The delivery man acted as if he could not get away fast enough and seemed to look a little sick.
The next day when I was expecting another delivery, I did not change one physical detail. However, my vibes were turned to the other person with the thought to make him feel good about himself. I also felt comfortable about myself realizing that it was a temporary situation.
With correct posture and an air of graciousness, I greeted him warmly. He opened right up and with eagerness communicated the triumphs of his day. He commented upon leaving that he was happy to meet such a fine person.
Wow! I realized that the difference in reactions perhaps was not the physical appearance as I had previously thought. I did other such experiments afterwards and always had the same conclusion…
Sure, it is important to do all we can for our physical presence, but the reason behind it is to actually feel good enough about ourselves to subconsciously communicate our self-confidence. Then, and only then can we devote our full thoughts and attentions to other people without giving them our tired leftovers. A person’s inner vibes read your inner vibes and can perceive beauty.
This is best explained by Jesus Christ when he said: “Love your neighbor as yourself.” This implies that we must first love ourselves.
If physical form were the only attraction we could give sell-out concerts with just a mannequin standing there.
Magnetism, energy, love of life, quest for talent, and a deep inner peace of mind are things that truly fascinate and attract.
One of the most popular girls in my high school seemed to glow. She was always nominated for the high school Homecoming and Sweetheart Queens and won several of them. Two years after graduation, a male buddy of mine and I were looking through my yearbook. I was excited to show him the “Female Fox” of the high school. He took one look and said, “Really? Gee, she’s not really pretty.” I almost slugged him! I had her on a pedestal, but upon second look, she had freckles, thin hair, was slightly overweight. Not what you would consider magazine cover material as l had thought.
Her inner vibes had enhanced her outer beauty. She had never lacked for inner peace, happiness, dates, friends, or popularity. The golden rule of social beauty is: Don’t think about how others are perceiving you. Do not be so vain as to think they only concern themselves with what you do, wear, and think. They are probably wondering what you think of them.
I liken this to having a spot on your dress. You may have some insufficiency, some area that you may feel is not where you would like it to be. This I will call having a spot on your dress. The spot is something you think about a lot. It can become a source of constant embarrassment for you if you will let it. However, remember that other people have spots they would like to forget because they may be insecure in another area. So do not worry that other people see the spot on your dress. They will be too worried and preoccupied with wondering if you see their spot. Everyone has one you see. Therefore look beyond your spot, look beyond their spot and find the person who lies behind.
Spots seem to occupy our eye contact, thought process, and we waste altogether too much time taking care of them.
Spots also destroy posture because they turn our vibes inwards towards ourselves and dwell on our weakness. Hopefully, we are all on the journey towards becoming the best we can become. But dwelling on spots and having spots in front of our eyes sets us off balance from our narrow pathway to our best self. Love yourself and others in spite of spots.
Everyone has spots. True Charm is to help others to become less self-conscious of their “spots” or problems. If you give love freely and unconditionally (meaning without hope for reward as a result of love given) you will reap the rewards of the truly charming person.
Think mainly of how others feel about themselves when they are in your presence. It has been said that charming people make other people feel charming. Thus it is with inner social beauty.
HOW TO GIVE A COMPLIMENT
“What a lovely dress” or “You sure look good in that dress” may be complimenting the dress or the person’s taste for choosing it. Far more rewarding is the statement “That dress looks good on you.” This compliments the person. It hints at the fact that the person helps the dress to look its best. If sincerely spoken, you can help her to feel, at least for the moment, better about herself. This is a noble contribution to another person’s self-esteem.
In group situations recognizing a specific talent, giving a well-put suggestion, or giving credit verbally to others will increase your effectiveness. If you can help a person feel at ease about themselves, it builds strength in their character, thus they will find you important to them. You then become charming. Charming people help other people to feel charming. This can relate to business as well as social or personal relationships.
A word of caution-if the comment or compliment was untrue it will only damage your character as well as the persons involved. Have you ever heard a compliment that was so sickeningly sweet you got a toothache just listening to it? Beware of false flattery! Use tact in complimenting-“I’ve never seen you looking so well,” implies that previously the person has looked poorly. A gracious “You are looking quite nice today” is the best way to give a compliment.
Then there is the problem of accepting a compliment. A compliment should be accepted with a gracious “Thank you” “You’re too kind,” or “I’ll pay you later” (in jest, of course) but never with an apology.
I have too often heard a person return a compliment with “Oh, not really. I’m really not that great.” They think it gives an air of modesty. But, the fact is the subconscious mind can only retain and believe what information it is fed, much like a very technical computer. If you say or believe something about yourself, chances are it will be recorded as such in the other person’s mind. It is easier to believe what you say about yourself because you know you better than anyone else. We should keep our mental opinions on the bright side and resolve any ill attempts at modesty.
While it is normal to falter we shouldn’t try to call attention to our faults. If you happen to catch yourself saying a negative phrase about yourself to another, you can rescue yourself with adding a positive statement to it. At least it may counteract; “I’m a terrible dancer… pause, think of a positive “…But I’m a terrific cook!” Giving and receiving compliments well is a very basic part of appreciation, which is a very important part of social beauty.
Many people run around believing that beauty and happiness is something bought at a store or that comes in a bottle, tube or hanger. They believe they will be happy when they get one more material possession or if they will only accomplish one more goal or assignment.
When in reality something very basic is missing In their life or the thing they know to be true is not followed correctly. It can not be bought with money, only time, energy, a thirst to know what is right, and the determination inside to carry out those truths with actions.
NATURAL PRIDE VS. VANITY
If you glean your strength from your creator and the natural majesty within you, you will become calm, graceful and portray a natural dignity. However, if you take pride in yourself in comparison to others or in taking credit on your own merits alone it becomes empty. In comparisons there are always people below our ability in certain areas which gives us vanity. If we find others who are above us, we can become bitter. If we take credit on our merits alone, the emptiness creates repulsive defenses such as bragging or sensitivities causing us to wear our feelings on our sleeve. We should reverence nature within our soul. Absorb beauty and the beautiful into your life from every possible source. Trees are a particular favorite of mine. In fact, most vegetation is breathtaking, perhaps because it contains the breath of life. We expel what they breathe and we breathe what they expel; we were made for each other. Along with this respect comes the respect of others and their things. Don’t judge harshly he who is not perfect. Only treat him as if he were.
Make a note of this: make it a little habit to write thank you notes, postcards with a small bit of info the other person may enjoy, or remembering special occasions. A small note goes a long way! I have a birthday and occasion file. The first 3 X 5 card is titled January. Underneath is listed all birthdays and special occasions to be remembered and the date. At the first of the month I get out my box of birthday and all occasion cards, address and write each one a line. I either mail them all at once or put the date on the outside of the sealed envelope and mail it prior to that date. Note making should not be painstaking.
Thoughtfulness can be an easy habit to acquire and will insure good will, communications, and appreciation for others readily. Do not expect any mail in return.
Sir James Barrie has said about charm and inner beauty…
“If you have it, you don’t need anything else and if you haven’t it, it doesn’t matter what else you have.”
Here are some ideas for achieving TRUE INNER BEAUTY.
It takes TIME, energy and the will to want it, to make charm. Many great things have been accomplished through the charm of great individuals. So first you must want to become charming and kind to others.
LOYALTY is the next character trait of INNER BEAUTY AND charm. You’ve heard the saying “To thine own self be true.” I add to that also to thine own family, friends and relatives. If you complain about your family to others it reflects on you. No matter how close or far apart your family is, they are your family. Calling your sister a brat to another person calls attention to any behavior you possess that could be in the brat category. After all, you are her sister. It is an accepted fact that many characteristics we possess come from our environment. Thus, most of them are a duplication of our family’s or friends or work associate’s behaviors. Cutting down those we deal closely with to others only cuts down ourselves in their minds subconsciously,(and sometimes consciously).
How it works mentally: The association between the person you are speaking to and the sister you called a brat may not surface immediately, but will be stored in the brain for future recall. When he notices any behavior you may do that falls in the category of brats. (And he will, all people do things once in a while that are not as great as we would like them to be)..Then his brain can recall “Oh yes, brats run in the family.” This relates to the people who work with you and the friends you keep. By labeling your close associates, friends or family, you label yourself.
HELP OTHERS to be charming. You may find yourself listening to one who consistently puts down, jokes at, laughs at, or ridicules others with whom they are associated with. Realize that they are themselves suffering from an not being fulfilled and inferior self-esteem (unless pure habit and entertainment has brought them to do this). This is usually an escape for them from their own problems and they seem to be calling attention to the bad in others to compare with the good in themselves. This is not charming and you should try to change the subject by adding the good of the person mentioned and eventually changing to an impersonal subject.
People of this nature should be avoided if at all possible while you are cultivating the charm potential within yourself. For through association you may acquire the habit yourself.
A charming lady does not delight in the misfortune or problems of someone else. Rather she should hold compassion in her heart for all people; even the person with whom she may disagree with.
The true worth of a Lady or a Gentleman cannot be measured by beautiful expensive clothes, nor how high they hold their head or how well they talk of themselves, but for the regard they have for the rights of others even in others absence.
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