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Mental Health


As a famous poem quotes from Desiderata says, “You are a child of the universe and no less than the trees and the stars, you have a right to be here. This is your planet—the force of all that creates, created all that was good. You were created, therefore you are innately good.  This sphere so exactly organized, so specifically composed, is where you belong. Seek therefore to complement His sphere by doing all the good you can to add to its existence. We have no machine of measurement to weigh our exact limit of potential.”

If you give attention to others because you do not like yourself, your character will be weak. Try to feel comfortable enough about yourself to truly desire to know of other people and their interests. This is not to say you must become perfect before you can give attention to others. This is to say you must accept yourself, your real self, for the divine nature within and the limitless potential you possess. Understand your strengths and build upon them.  Know your weaknesses and work gradually to deal with them. We should walk through life each day with a positive affirmation in our soul that we are good, that we will become better. As we meet new souls along the path, we look ahead of them to see the best they can become. We are happy to walk side by side with such a potentially great human being as we ourselves are.

Well known behavioral scientists such as Abraham Maslow, Margaret Mead, Gardner Murphy, and Carl Rogers believe the idea of William James that the average healthy human being is functioning at less than 10% of his actual capacity. Herbert Otto has stated, “The ultimate creative capacity of the brain is for all practical purposes infinite. To use a computer analogy, a man is a vast storehouse of data, but we have not learned how to program ourselves to utilize this data for problem solving purposes.” May I add the word “yet…”


Wow! What mental potential! We know that under hypnosis many have recalled extensive details of various situations. Our sub-conscious memory therefore must be vast. If we could have a better source for tapping recall besides hypnosis, just think of what could be recalled. (Every college student is praying for the invention). I’ve heard stories of tiny women lifting 2000 pound cars off their children. And from the amazing feats of acrobats and athletes we can see that under intense motivation humans can physically accomplish amazing things.


Why do we not realize our true self?  Perhaps, with the reinforcement of our negative selves when growing up, or the media exploiting and reporting sex and violence, our belief in others as well as ourselves deflates. We can build trust in others by first building trust in ourselves. Goethe said, “As soon as you trust yourself you will know how to live.”


Johann Von Schiller said, “Every man stamps his value on himself. The price we challenge for ourselves is not given to us by others. Man is made great or little by his own will.” Whether you think you can or can’t, you are right.”


Potential is unlimited. It is only a matter of applied faith. If you have the belief in yourself and the courage to try, the growth will be satisfying.


Nardi Reeder wrote an article for Reader’s Digest about her lessons from her Aunt Grace. Aunt Grace lived 6 daily rules.


  1. Do something for someone else.
  2. Do something for myself.
  3. Do something I do not want to do but that needs doing.
  4. Do a physical exercise.
  5. Do a mental exercise.
  6. Do an original prayer that always includes counting my blessings.



Success shouldn’t be expected all at once.  It is a process. If you do not read much now then, perhaps number five could be reading one paragraph. If you are not presently serving someone then start small — Number one could be writing a letter to someone.  If you do not do physical exercise now, start with something simple such as 15 minutes of walking (Remember to only do what you are capable of doing, if you need to consult a physician about exercise, please do so).  But know that you tried to do it. Positive and productive behavior reinforces our belief in ourselves that we can indeed succeed. Prove it to yourself.



Many times we nurse our good intentions; we wait for ideal conditions or a more opportune time for us to accomplish anything. Sometime we make too many commitments, or we do not make enough demands of ourselves because we do not think we can do it.  Good intentions do not accomplish great deeds. You must act upon them. Spencer W. Kimball stated, “DO IT NOW, DO IT WITH A PLAN, MAKE NO SMALL PLANS…” We should walk through life each day with a positive affirmation in our soul that we are good. Also that we will become better, and as we meet new souls along the path we look ahead of them to see the best they can become. We are happy to walk side by side with such a potentially great human being as we ourselves are.



There are professional people who move to remote corners of the world to feed the hungry and clothe the naked and heal the sick. These people are to be commended. You, however, must bloom where you are planted, as the saying goes. Although charm is helping other people, you cannot force others to become charming or perfect. You can, however, lead, lift, urge, or inspire through gentle persuasion.


It is a wonderful thing to be charitable, but don’t overdo it. This is not to put a limit on helping truly needy people who cannot do for themselves.  But regular people will become weak by expecting you to always do for them. If you overdo your charity and put yourself into a rescuing position where the person expects you to continue the service, you will never win. Soon they do not appreciate you and you can never satisfy them. It is each person’s responsibility to be happy in and of themselves. If they rely on another individual for their happiness, it is a no-win situation.


An old proverb says: “If you give a man a fish you give him one meal, if you teach him how to fish, you give him many!” Teaching and helping others to have faith in their own abilities and connecting them with opportunities helps more efficiently than giving them actual material things, or doing it for them.


Another abuse of charity is psychological counseling. Too often friends use friends for counselors. This is fine for small problems, but if the problem becomes overbearing, friends needn’t share nervous breakdowns! It is not kind to give nor receive another’s severe psychological burdens. If a friend or acquaintance begins digging too deeply into personal problems, you may stop the conversation and say politely, “I value your friendship too much and I would rather not become quite so personally involved as to damage our friendship,” or “I respect you so highly; please do not burst my bubble by telling me you’re actually human.”


My mom use to recite this poem, by an unknown author:


“Love your friends and love them well,

But to your friends no secrets tell;

For if your friend becomes your foe,

Your secrets everyone will know.”




Another thing that will keep your mind fresh and mentally alert, is to know what it is you. Like the ink blot experiment of the white paper with the tiny dot in the corner, people seem to see the tiny dot before the vast whiteness of the paper.


See the good, your favorite things, the lovely and the beautiful. A friend of mine collects anything with rainbows on it. Another friend collects anything about horses. Collecting is a way to train your eye to look for what it is you like. It will help to know what it is you like in order to develop a more positive basis to like yourself. There is a list of favorites categories in the Social Charm chapter. Answer each of them.




  1. A sense of being free. Free agency is the greatest gift to mankind.
  2. A sense of self-mastery. He is a slave who will be led by appetites.
  3. The privilege of work. Idleness does not bring happiness. The right to work is a blessing to mankind.
  4. The possession of health. Clean and wholesome bodies bring joy; debauch them, and we have lost happiness.
  5. The ability to see God’s beauty about us.
  6. The harboring of uplifting thoughts. What you think when you do not have to think shows what you really are.
  7. Being true to those who trust you.
  8. Making friends. True friends enrich life. If you would have friends, be one.
  9. Do your best this hour, and you will do better the next.
  10. Developing faith. Faith is the fountain of all things-including happiness.


Close your eyes and imagine you are standing in front of a full length mirror. Focus on your face and hair. Imagine it to be all that you desire it to be. The hair is styled perfectly to fit the face shape. Your make-up techniques enhance your natural deep-down beauty. Move down to your body. You are the exact weight for your height. You are dressed immaculately. Details are perfected even to the fingernails and feet. You radiate positive self-confidence and genuine concern for other people. OPEN YOUR EYES. You have just visualized your goals.


You may do this exercise in every area of charm. If you know what it is you want then keep it in constant focus within your minds’ eye, you will eventually receive it. The powers of your subconscious will go about to make it happen. It would be well worth your time to list specifically what it is you desire in each area of your life. Once you have made this list find pictures to illustrate each image to your mind mentally each day.



(Find a picture equivalent to each answer.)


  1. What financial rewards do I want to see?
  2. What material possessions do I desire?
  3. What character traits do I admire and want?
  4. What talents do I want to develop?
  5. What do I want to learn?
  6. What roles do I have now I could maximize my effectiveness in?
  7. What relationships would I like to develop?
  8. What spiritual goals do I want to achieve? (Example: Prayer, scripture study, charitable service, acquire a testimony).
  9. How do I want to feel physically? Look physically?
  10. What habits do I want to acquire? Break?
  11. What attitudes do I want?
  12. What is success to me?







Do not be discouraged by other people’s reactions to your goals. When I was reaching for the goal of winning the title of Mrs. Utah, I had a hard time visualizing myself wearing a crown and banner. The quickest way to achieve a goal is to make it closer to your comfort zone. Taking the idea from the previous winner of the Mrs. Utah title, I drove to her house. With pageant dress and her crown and banner and holding her trophy, I got 5 or 6 pictures of myself as if I had really become Mrs. Utah. I placed the photos strategically near the places I frequented: My dresser, the bathroom mirror, the refrigerator and the car. We have one of those houses where people come in abundance, everyone from church and civic friends to basketball players. One of my husbands’ friend’s saw the photo on the refrigerator. Surprised, he said, “I didn’t know your wife was Mrs. Utah”. “Well,” my husband explained, “She really isn’t but she has a goal and wanted to visualize it.” The friend got quite a laugh from this and with great restraint fought the urge to jest about it.


Other’s reactions were doubt, intrigue, and questions. Comments were “Oh really?, how (pause) interesting,” and “You really think it will work? Well, good luck!” with quite an air of unbelief. Well, after winning the title we received comments from the same people. “How exciting, I knew you could do it,” and “Well, gee, why didn’t you tell me it was such a big deal, I would have been there,” and “How did that work again? I’d like to try it.” Nevertheless, many of my friends now have photos of them achieving their goals on their refrigerators. So don’t worry what other people think of your goals, just prove it by doing it!


Many positive thinking books will suggest writing down every goal right down to the tiniest detail, then read them every day.  When I wrote down my goals it took up many pages…Now I hardly have time to read my scriptures daily let alone many goal pages so the goal pages just sat in my journal…until one day…

When I was a school teacher I’d have my class do art projects called collages. This is where we find pictures in magazines and paste them on a poster.  One day I was thinking about a quote I’d heard about a picture being worth a thousand words and thought perhaps I could make a collage of the goals I should see each day.

I started collecting magazines and cut out pictures of the possessions, talents, and goals that I wanted to achieve. Each picture meant something perhaps no one else would understand. Then I formed a collage of my goals on a poster board and hung it in my bedroom.

One picture I cut out was a small picture of some cheerleaders being presented a huge trophy by two guys.


Since I was the advisor of a group of college cheerleaders, I thought that would be a worthwhile goal, so I put it on the poster and forgot all about it.  As time passed it became time for the cheerleaders and yell leaders to go to a summer cheer camp.

I had a good squad that year.  Two of the yell leaders had formerly been with the circus and one of the girls had taken state in gymnastics. I’m a perfectionist by nature and so we re-worked all the routines over and over again until all their moves matched.

At the conclusion of the camp, Ford Motor Foundation came and announced that they were sponsoring a competition.  They began bringing out all these huge trophies. We had not been aware that a competition would be taking place so we just did our best as we entered our place in competition.  We were only a two year college and realized that we were up against many well-known four year colleges, so we didn’t expect to place or win anything.

At the conclusion of the contest we listened and clapped as they called out the various college winners. Soon they announced the last trophy winner, “Utah Valley Community College!”  Other squads turned around and asked “Who?”  The squad just jumped up and down excitedly as I snapped away and took pictures with my camera.

Later as the photos were developed I was sorting through them in my bedroom.  I came to one photo and stopped. I looked up at the goal chart—and the photo was exactly the same as the one I’d taken after the competition.  The trophy was identical and the same two guys were the ones who presented it to us. Wow! I felt like I was in the Twilight Zone.

So, be careful what you ask for. You get it…EXACTLY!!


Many friends and family have since tried goal posters and it has been interesting to note all of them to date have achieved that which was in the lower right hand section first and seemed to work its way up. I don’t know how consistent that will be, but I’ve got my long range goals upon the top 3 other sections and shorter range goals down in that lower section.


Goal posters seem to be effective. You can feed those suggestions to your subconscious mind daily. This should start the positive forces in your mind moving you towards their reality as it incorporates itself into your comfort zone.


Here are some questions to ask yourself…What will be your contribution to society? Have you wonderful ideas, a Strong heritage, a specific work, a positive attitude, the ability to persevere?

All these are very important contributions. What are yours? Define them on paper, and write them down.


Our quest is not to live a life and barely get by, small effort gives us small rewards. You have a great, a good and a mighty work to perform. You were meant to be. So be. Work harder than the typical or average and you can and will see success. The more you learn, the better you will do. It is a continuous cycle. So start pedaling!

Become who you truly are…Seek always the highest degree of life.


If you try to live without definite goals it will be like trying to build a house without a blue print. Spend whatever organized thinking time is necessary. If you put in hours of time to organize your goals, it can save you hours, weeks, days and possibly years of direction-less wandering or working in the wrong direction.


Preparing for a high school class reunion, the committee sent a form to fill out to former classmates of the things they were now doing, had done, and were planning on doing in the future. One former student had replied “undecided” to the future plans questions. Looking back in the yearbook his future plans had also been listed as “undecided.” Needless to say he won the award for doing exactly what he’d planned on doing back in high school.


Some people are afraid to make goals; especially big goals, because of the competition. If your goal is worthwhile, it will attract worthwhile people. You must wear blinders and look straight ahead to what it is you want. It is time consuming and senseless to compare to others. The comparison process will affect most of your preparation time and will rob the precious thought process that should be conserved for your goal.


Accomplishing and sharing your talents and best character traits with others allows you to thank your Creator for the gifts you were innately blessed with.


If you give someone a gift and they abuse it, lose it or never use it, you will not want to share with them again. Each of us is bestowed with God-given talents and abilities. If you magnify the ones you now possess and use them wisely you can be assured that God will want to give you more.  Soon you will discover other talents and abilities that you did not think you had.





Know your goals, seek your dreams, then when you discover what it is you truly desire—DO IT! Do it with a sense of pride. Do your best.  Then all you have to do is Never Give Up…

“Discover something worth dying for—then fervently live for it.”



My mom taught me that you can do anything that you think you can do—just keep going even when it looks like you’re going to fail.   Pick yourself up and learn from failures. She always reminded me of the man crossing the desert who died right before reaching the oasis.  If he’d crawled only five more feet, he could have had water. A lot of people lose their dream when they are only five feet, a few hours, a week or a year away from what they truly want.


We need to use failures as lessons to achieve success. Thomas Edison said, “I’m a great success because I know several thousand things that don’t work.” We have to be willing to go through or learn about the things that don’t work before we can discover the things that do. Would Katherine Hepburn have been an acting legend if she had given up after her first 13 movies that did not become box office hits? No, she paired up with Spencer Tracy and made 13 smash hits thereafter.


A girl desiring to become Miss America entered 17 pageants before reaching her long sought after goal. What if she’d quit after 16?

We can learn from the trials of Abraham Lincoln sought the election of office time and time again and failed many times.  Finally he won the office of President of the United States.

What about Helen Keller, who was blind, deaf and dumb and still learned to communicate and learn effectively and make a great contribution to society. In all of these stories we are reminded to never give up!

Winston Churchill used those three words, “Never give up”, exclusively for his entire graduation speech to a distinguished college in America. Our society owes much of its progression to enduring individuals who made a difference.


Tom Hopkins, a positive thinking speaker, has a philosophy. “We are not judged by the number of times we fail, but by the number of times we succeed. And the number of times we succeed is in direct proportion to the number of times we fail and keep trying.” So it becomes, as any salesman will say, a numbers game. The more we do, the more we learn from mistakes and the more we will eventually succeed. It has been said, “A big shot is a little shot that kept shooting.”


The sad thing in life is the person who fears failure so readily that he will not try anything new. He then will never know if success could have been.



Then there are those who start something without finishing it. If you are like me, you may have proof of this stored somewhere in your house. Unfinished projects such as the sewing project you became discouraged with, the files that are yet unorganized, the life history unwritten, the art project that is not much more than a dream sketch on paper. Work to complete just one of these at a time and you will be amazed how rewarding it can feel.


Successful people have only one thing in common. They may not be geniuses, they may not have the greatest talents, they may not even be the best educated. Some successful people began this life poor, some rich. But all successful people KEPT TRYING! THEY NEVER GAVE UP!




If there’s something you want to do,

If there’s something you want to be,

First put it in your mind’s eye

For it to see.


If there’s something you want to do,

If there’s something you want to be,

Let your hope and desire accept

Its’ reality.


If there’s something you want to do,

If there’s something you want to be,

You must let it blossom and water it

Like a tree.


If there’s something you want to do,

If there’s something you want to be,

The only way it can happen is

If you believe.